He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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