I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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