so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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