i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
