The maid of honor just puked.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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