Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
