Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
