Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
