i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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