carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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