I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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