It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
