It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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