just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
