I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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