This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Fuck appropriateness.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
