I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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