What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
