The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
