he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The air was thick with penises
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
