Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
