he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
