I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
