This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
