When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
