She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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