I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
