I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
