They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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