She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
