I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
