if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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