nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
