sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
