I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
