The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
