just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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