if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
