U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
