Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
