Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
