just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
