and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
