first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
