smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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