I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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