New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
