My room smells like vodka and shame
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
