He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
