I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
