I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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