she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
40s are totally the cure
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
