According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
